The first post

I've arrived! It's now day four and I'm getting settled in. This first post will be a catch up of this first week. We'll jump straight in and go chronologically.

Sunday 6th June

I had a four hour journey to the airport and then took off around midnight. The flight was split in two. Eight hours, a stop off to refuel and then another nine to the Falklands. In flight entertainment was pretty gash. Alice in Wonderland and Dear John. Short reviews.

Alice in Wonderland - ok up until the bit where Johhny Depp did Quirky British Accent #687879. Fell asleep and woke up as the pretty air hostess served me breakfast.

Dear John - saw a scene where some girl was crying. I assume it was a happy film.

After eight hours I arrived here:






This is Ascension Island. That big hill? That's Green Mountain apparently. There's crabs up there that are land crabs. They're big, yellow and walk sideways. Snip snip. At eight in the morning it was 23 degrees. That's their winter.



This is my house. It's a fucking shed. See that Range Rover? It's getting blown about in the wind. You're told to keep sleeping bags in your car in case you get caught in a storm. Yeah, really.

There's turkey vultures in my back garden. Weird geese in my front. Penguins on the coast. An island of birds, yet no women. Marvellous.



Here's something artsy. We were driving around and I saw the sunset in the wing mirror. If I was an owl I'd have turned my head round to take a photo. But I'm not. So I cheated. Looks nice though innit?



World's most depressing park. I think the park in the nuclear bomb scene in Terminator 2 was happier. We've got winds that can knock cars over but sure, let your child roam free near dangerous metal structures!

I'll wrap this up now. I'm watching This Morning and I've noted two things: Holly Willoughby is hawwwwwt and Phillip Scholefield is ace. I move several thousand miles and still end up watching the same shit on TV.

Peace out, eh?